Dating in academia

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You can't make a good impression on a job when you are tired and incoherent, however, so you have to divide your good hours between research and the job search, and yet find enough good humor and cheer to bring to dating in the evenings.

- Dating is enough like the job search that it's hard to do both simultaneously: go to a website where you try to find profiles of people or jobs which seem like good matches, reject a few, get rejected a whole bunch, hope that something pans out and fear that nothing will, and try extremely hard not to get demoralized. The job search and academia interferes with dating.

It's not socially acceptable to say anything about dating, so I just said, "Unfortunately, the geographical constraints are tight this year."- Dating is time-consuming: simply reading through internet profiles on several websites, writing or replying to innumerable emails, finding events where there might be other singles and attending them, and having a series of 1-2 hour coffee meetings can easily expend 10 hours per week.

This time is generally unproductive: you walk away not having gained or learned anything from the experience which will help in the future. I don't think it's coincidence that all of last year when I was not in any relationships, I was spinning my wheels unproductively; I finished my dissertation only this year when I got into a 2 month relationship.

It happens because in many academic disciplines—such as, of course, philosophy, which already enjoys a reputation for misconduct—there is a tendency for beginning scholars to have “philosophical idols,” as explained to me by Meena Krishnamurthy, an assistant professor at the University of Manitoba.

Parenthood is clearly all-absorbing, but dating is challenging in its own way.Without support from fellow students (and, often, dismissed by the other professors in the department), many of these once-promising grad students wind up out of the discipline entirely.Take this example from Carla Fehr, associate director of the American Philosophical Association’s Committee on the Status of Women in the Profession Site Visit Program, which conducted the recent visit to the University of Colorado–Boulder that resulted in the ouster of the chair and the freezing of graduate admissions.The beginning and end of relationships always involve loss of sleep and inconsistent concentration.- Dating and the job search both require "good time".In academia, you learn to invest your bright-eyed bushy-tailed time into the difficult work, and move to the easy stuff when you are tired and incoherent.

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