Dating too long
I wonder if this explains why the Spanish word esposas means both “wives” and “handcuffs”?
But, of course, pointing out that not rushing into a pre-mature commitment is very difficult when we’re in love doesn’t really address the question at hand—that is, how long is it until the cocaine-rush of initial infatuation wears off and you can make a good decision?
Extending the courtship period in all cases will progressively minimize your relative risk of developing lasting regrets down the line.
Getting married is described as a leap of faith for a reason, but when you wait a significant length of time before you “make it official,” the leap is not nearly so great. Sure, a handful of marriages might thrive after short courtships, but for every one of these examples, a much greater number end in divorce. “Delay of Gratification in Children.” Science, 244, 933-938.
They are flying as sexually blind as they would have if they'd gotten married two months into their courtship.
When I give talks on how to make wise decisions about love relationships, the burning question that someone almost always asks is, “How long do I have to wait?
” The phrasing of this question illustrates the fact that waiting can feel like working against the tide of biology and the romantic rush of falling in love and making it official.
Since sex is what sets marriage apart from all other relationships, normally, I would hope you counsel couples not to wait.
Or at least advise them that they are flying blind and putting their couple-dom at serious risk. A lot of couples don't know whether they are bonded together because of sex or because of actual long-term compatibility.