Nyc dating columns and advice
I know you don’t read this blog to hear about me or my family. But to me, any story can be extrapolated to something universal. Something that explains why bad things happen to good people.The other bit of perspective I want to give you about the disappearing man is that his disappearance should not be all that disappointing. He was so enthusiastic that he was oblivious to the fact that he wasn’t really ready to commit after 4 dates. The right guy will come along soon enough – and he will certainly not disappear the way the last guy did.a) This wasn’t personal b) You didn’t lose your future husband, so why be disappointed? Finally, there’s no value in lamenting what “could have been”. But the only way for this to happen is for my you to let go of your negativity, to let go of your fear of getting hurt, to let go of your frustration at the men who don’t write to you online, and to embrace the unknown of the dating process.
Start getting excited when he’s taken his profile down, called you his girlfriend, met your family, and started making vacation plans for the summer. He’s like a guy who was driving 90 mph on the freeway and missed his exit.
If you’re like ANYBODY, you’d be pretty darned surprised and disappointed. (Not as many as you’d like.) When you look at all of these things together, without any emotion, you’ll see exactly what I see: the fact that ANY relationship gets off the ground is remarkable. Now, to be clear: I’ve failed a LOT more than you have. Given that 99% of men are definitely NOT your future husband, getting upset when this proves to be true is like getting upset that you didn’t win the Powerball.
But if you’re me, a professional dating coach who sees this every day, you’re not at all surprised or disappointed by what happened. And, to the naked eye, FAILURE is the default setting in dating. I’ve gone on over 300 dates and committed to probably fifteen “girlfriends” before getting married. Yeah, it’s unfortunate, but it’s also quite predictable.
Thirteen years ago, after Casey and I let the cat out of the bag and told everyone we were engaged, we were both bombarded with marriage tips.
Some of that advice was good advice and some of that advice was… Unfortunately for us, we didn’t know which tips were good tips and which tips were bad tips.